Good times being had by all (yes, that is Patti's happy face!)
Some back-stage pre-show fun, some on-stage fun, and some post-show fun (this time with more playwright!).
Good times being had by all (yes, that is Patti's happy face!) ![]() My long-time love affair with Gym has come to an end. It's my fault. No really - I moved and he simply couldn't come with me. Last time I moved, he was able to change location easily enough, and we continued to meet regularly. But this time...the distance proved too great. I stopped making the effort and our time together, when I did go, was not really enjoyable for either one of us. I made the dreaded call last week and while we haven't finalized paperwork (I'm going to stop by this week and be sure I haven't left any of my stuff at his place), it'll be done by September. I truly, honestly wish Gym the best. He really was wonderful to me. So goes an 8+ year relationship... But the story doesn't end there. I've met someone new!! I know, I know, I really should give myself some time before jumping into something, but this was just meant to be. I know it! I was introduced to Gym L.A.F. (yeah, I know, same first name, makes it an easy transition - ha!) by my good friend Megan. She's known him for a while but she's married, so there's nothing really going on there. The three of us have hung out twice now and I'm planning a solo visit with Gym L.A.F. today or tomorrow (we're comparing schedules). I really think this is the start of something new and wonderful for both of us. I'll miss Gym - he always had little extras for me (read: Cheetah provided towels & a blow-dryer in the locker room; LA Fitness, doesn't.) and his views of the world (read: treadmills by the windows) were inspiring. But Gym L.A.F. has already got me excited, and, to be less than discreet, pretty wet, too (read: LA Fitness has a lap pool!!!). #AdventuresWithGym - Chapter 2 begins. Appropriately enough for Witch Slap! tech & previews, this song has been in my head a lot lately! Get tix for Witch Slap! today and who knows what other magic-inspiring tunes you'll heare! www.BabesWithBlades.org I'm not a celebrity....
I'm not suicidal... I have had thoughts of the world being a better place without me in it. But Robin Williams passed away yesterday and everyone knows the world is NOT better with him not in it. My personal story is below...should you be so inclined to peruse. It helps to know you are not alone...because the thing about depression is that it can make you feel completely ALONE... Despite the 7 Billion other humans inhabiting this planet with you. My first trip to therapy was just after high school and I thought I was going there to deal with a love triangle gone bad. At the time, I was diagnosed and given a medication that I didn't like - it made me feel very jittery and I stopped taking it (with my doctor's permission and monitoring). I stopped going to therapy after about a year because I felt that my life had turned around and I was an adult now and I didn't need it anymore. I lived for about 10 years or so 'just fine thank you very much' and moved from place to place, following my career choice of 'actor' and had my first 'grown-up' relationship and moved to Chicago with my love and wasn't life great? The relationship ended, but I stayed in Chicago and saw great success (from the Chicago-theatre-standpoint) in my vocation of theatre. I landed a great day-job with iGive that offered me financial security and achieved my goal of joining the Babes With Blades Theatre Company's ensemble (this was actually a goal I had written down, which I never do, and I had achieved it!!!! And they are as awesome to work with as I had hoped they'd be. Oh JOY!). I had another, even more well-adjusted, romantic relationship. It also ended, but on even better terms. I was good. Life was good. And I felt lost. And angry. And sad. And frustrated. And empty. And embarrassed. And alone. And many more words that don't come close to describing my emotional state. I remembered the feelings from high school and new what the problem was, but for some reason thought I had a handle on it. I had discovered New Thought Chicago (a metaphysical and Christian Science type of spiritual study that encourages a belief in the power of God as dwelling within each of us - we just need to tap into that power). This kept the full onslaught of depression at bay for a couple of years, but also, ironically made it worse: if I have the power in me to feel better, why don't I? New Thought Chicago folks began focusing on another project (The Peace on Earth Film Festival, which is amazing & you should check it out), so the weekly spiritual fix I'd been getting went away. I closed myself off from friends. I'd force myself to go out and be social and end up crying silent tears in a corner of the room or the bathroom and then leave quickly to avoid creating a scene. I finally started to reach out to people that I knew had similar issues - I asked for guidance ("Are you on meds? What do you take? How does it change you?" etc.) I posted something to facebook about being depressed and yet another friend private messaged me with the name of a therapist. I double checked insurance stuff and made an appointment. Yay! I was healed! It was working - this was the end of the battle! And then I had another, horrible break down - because while I felt much better on the surface, I still felt pretty awful underneath. And that compounded it - Dear God, even therapy couldn't help me. What was WRONG with me? This was around the holidays and my therapist suggested I check into medication. I had a bad time with it before, but maybe my body and the medications available had changed enough to help. There was a rough ordeal with finding a doctor covered by my insurance with a new-patient opening around the holidays (I ended up going to my OB/GYN who is amazing!) and I ended up on an anti-depressant in early January. I was initially concerned about 2 things: A - what if it doesn't work? (I'm starting to run out of options...) B - what if it changes me? Well, thankfully, it worked. And, of course, it changed me, but it didn't change ME, if that makes sense. I still get angry, sad, frustrated, and a little lost - but that's not my default emotional state any more. When I feel those things, there's still a part of me that knows this is temporary and the calm and the confidence and the peace will return once I ride through whatever it is that's outwardly causing the wave. Because now it is an outward reaction to circumstances, rather than an outward flow of 'yuk' that I'm bringing with me to meet circumstances. And I'm still in therapy - every other week. Turns out in high school I wasn't in therapy because of a love triangle - that was a symptom of the problem, not the problem. I was in therapy because I suffer from depression. And that doesn't just go away. It is a medical condition - and just like pneumonia isn't the same as a cold, my depression isn't the same as anyone else's depression. And like a recovering addict, I doubt I'll ever be fully cured. But I'm okay with that. Mostly, because with medication and therapy and a steady practice of self-care, I'm more okay in general. ![]() Tech week happened last week so lots of stuff has been on my mind, with little to no time to write about it. I've been keeping some topics in mind and am now going to try catching up on them all, even as life continues to be (and be busy!). Something happened about 2 weeks ago, and I'm really proud of it. I deposited over $800 in cash into my checking account. Around New Year's resolution time this year, my friend shared a 'savings challenge' on my facebook wall that suggested making savings a regular part of your routine would help you to stick with it. Their suggested process - a 52 week challenge that involved putting money away every week. Week 1 meant $1 into an envelope. Week 2 meant $2 into an envelope. Week 3 meant $3 into an envelope...and so on, until a year passed and you ended up with $1378 in cash. That sounded cool to me, but I decided to modify it a bit. First, I decided to do the experiment for 40 weeks (the challenge started January 3rd and I knew Christmas shopping was no time for me to 'save' money so I wanted to be done before then). Second, I decided to start at the biggest amount, and work my way backwards. This way, I was putting $40 away during week 1, $39 for week 2, $38 for week 3 and so on. It worked splendidly! Of course there were times I had to 'borrow' money from my savings, but I always made sure when Friday rolled around, the amount that was borrowed was immediately returned. And, because I started with the larger numbers, as I got further along, I actually worked ahead. On the week when I was meant to put in $15, I ended up throwing $20 into the envelope and marking off the $15 and $5 days. This means instead of spending 40 weeks, it only took me 31 weeks to end up with $820. I happily deposited the money and made a big payment on my car. I'm now challenging myself to $20 per week for 52 weeks. So by the end of July 2015, I should have over $1,000 to put into my savings (and my car should be paid off by then, so I smell a vacation in my future!). Wish me luck! |
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September 2018
Kimberly Logan
This is my blog (aka: mind dump). For my full site, please visit www.ActorForHire.net Categories
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